Self-Love: The Big Five

Self-love: Coming home to your true nature.

Would you believe me if I said everything you’ve ever needed has been inside you from the beginning? Every single moment is there for you to take the opportunity, to not only love yourself and give back but to be a role model for someone else. How you eat, talk and live your life is a direct correlation of how you are feeling about yourselves; your everyday actions represent more than you think. Are you living intending to give back to yourself, or simply cruising? 

Society is designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t very good for the economy. Think about it, if we were all happy with what we had, why would we need more? How do you sell weight-loss tea? You make them worry their weight defines and limits them. How do you sell the newest technology device? By making them feel like they have been left behind. And with that, society has now manipulated us by marketing ‘self-care’ & ‘self-love’ onto every shop floor and online browser. Self-love isn’t just getting your nails done, seeing your friends or having an early night – it goes way beyond all these factors we are now implementing.


The root of self-love starts with 5 internal factors.

1. Acceptance

Without acceptance, there isn’t room for love. You must be kind to yourself, gentle and forgive past mistakes to accept who you are and where you are. Accept yourself is an act you must take responsibility for every day. Know that in each given day you do your best and achieve all you can if you were meant to do any different you would have. So, focus on the positive of each day and celebrate tiny victories. You are as successful as you believe you are.

Positive affirmations I like to write out each morning: “It is safe for me to be me. It is safe for me to be here”

Positive affirmations I like to write out each evening: “I am enough. I have enough. I do enough”

2. Respect

The highest form of honouring yourself is to respect yourself. You must have boundaries and stick to them. Say yes when you mean yes and say no when you mean no. Accept not everyone will meet or match your boundaries and that is ok. Sometimes you enter a path to reach a certain stage and reroute yourself. Nobody is stopping you from changing direction – except your own judgement. You owe it to yourself to respect your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual state – this is where you distinguish between self-love v’s self-denial. It is also key, that in respecting yourself you do not trick yourself and turn in on your own spiritual practices i.e. “I should be more accepting” “If I accept this then I can better the situation in the future”. Do not allow your self-respect to lower because you are momentarily blinded by your spirituality and the optimism that comes with it.

Ask yourself…

Where am I putting myself last?

What am I tolerating that I do not want to be?

Little, subtle things accumulate over time – this build-up can cause of self-respect to lower and until we honour ourselves enough to step back and realise, we continually accumulate issue’s that conflict against our boundaries.

3. Awareness

Be aware of your whole self; Emotionally, physically, mentally, socially etc. Implement the power of pause into your daily routine. Try to find gratitude in something new every day – you will have to stop and appreciate your life more to do this. With awareness comes the ability to release any toxicity in the body; mentally and physically. When you are aware of your circumstances you to implement change according to your ambitions and goals.

4. Knowledge

Once you know what you don’t know you can really get to know yourself. Who are you? What is your truth? Recognise that who you are in any given moment can change. You must clarify your core values (say 5 main things). Within knowledge, you can have standards. You can write your own story. You do not have to accept what you have been given. Your circumstances are an accumulation of your actions, which you have complete control over. Life has stages – feel free to be somebody different to who you were yesterday. Reserve the right to change your mind. It doesn’t always have please others, but it is true to you – which makes it a radicle act of self-love.

The benefits of self-knowledge

  • Happiness is a by-product of expressing who you are

  • Less inner conflict – a result of your outside actions being in accordance with your inside feelings and values.

  • Better decision making because you know who YOU are

  • Self-control – you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop new good ones.

5. Trust

Allow other people to have their own experiences. Stop trying to control everything and have trust in yourself. Your intuition and spirituality will guide you to the most beautiful places mentally and physically if you give it half the chance. Don’t be in such a rush to figure life out, let life find you and work in harmony with what is served to you.

Less control, More magic. Learn to put yourself out there; trust that you are safe to express yourself.

The building blocks to trusting yourself comes from knowing your V.I.T.A.L.S



Temperament (energy)

Around the clock activity’s

Life mission and goal


Do not lose who you are, by being distracted in the way you wish you were or assume you are. Self-love is a lifelong journey. Take it one day at a time.

“The most important day is the day you decide you are good enough for you. It is the day you set yourself free.”

Lydia May Jeffery